Most men shouldn’t be allowed to dress themselves let alone suggest what a woman should wear. But every once in a while I’ll stumble across an item of women’s clothing that makes me think, "I'd marry a girl on the spot if I saw her wearing that.” I call it #WifeMaterial.
#WIFEMATERIAL : CARVEN S/S 2016 CROPPED NAVY DRESS PANTS
Weddings are fun! Haha no they’re not. They’re expensive and predictable and tacky and the food is bad and the music is bad and the dancing is bad and you always end up sitting next to a Republican. Also, they involve commitment, which, nope.
I realize the irony of having this opinion and writing an ongoing feature for DJ Manneeni’s website that’s based entirely on the idea of marrying someone because of what she wears—but realize that this is purely just a construct that allows me to pick women’s fashion without the risk of destroying my mentions when I post it on Twitter.
It needs to be said again and again and repeated ad nauseum:
Weddings, they are bad. Thank you.
The only good thing about weddings is the opportunity to flex. An impossibly casual knit tie, a shiny collar chain, no socks—shit like that. One time I wore (and pulled off) joggers at a wedding in Wisconsin and a guy called me a “faggot” outside the reception venue. This is the exact kind of reaction I’m going for when I’m coming to your wedding. I am not the kind of asshole who wears a polo shirt, but I’m still kind of an asshole. Striking a balance between "conversation piece" and "the guy who wears his tie around his head" is an art—and I’m fucking Rembrandt.
The last wedding I was at I decided to wear cropped dress pants—and because this wedding was in California, it seemed like a great decision. However, a friend told me that night how he couldn't have a conversation with anyone without that person mentioning my pants. This was disappointing because, well, I say and do so many more awful things for people to talk about than my goddamn "couture" dress pants. I thought Cali could handle some high waters, but I was wrong. Though I guess next to getting hate crimed, this response wasn’t all that bad.
Anyway. Cropped dress pants, they, on the other hand, are good. I saw these cropped dress pants from Carven’s Spring/Summer 2016 ready-to-wear collection presented in Paris, and briefly heard wedding bells in my head before snapping back to reality. The black stripe down the side is a nice little “fuck you” to faux paus and an even nicer little “fuck you” if you could pull these off at a wedding and look sexier than anyone in a dress.
Yes, cropped pants at a wedding. Maybe even your own.
[Images via Self Service Magazine and Vogue]
Lucas Shanks is a writer and creative in New York City. If you want to marry him, you have to follow him on Twitter first.